How Can I Add a Little Kink to My Sexting Routine?

Ken Ortega
September 6, 2021



Sexting is a fun way to engage in some virtual action with your partner, but if you want to turn up the heat, you might want to try some kinky stuff. While kink used to be ultra-taboo (and it was historically categorized as a psychological disorder !), this is no longer the case. Kinky sex has officially entered the mainstream. Now, nearly half of the population identifies as kinky, according to certain studies. 


Trying kink out over sext is a great way to get started. It gives you physical distance so that you’re only fantasizing about being tied up, punished, or whatever else you think you might be into, rather than acting it out in real life. Plus, you might feel a bit braver than normal since your partner won’t be able to see if you’re blushing or super nervous. Below are some kinky ideas to try out while sexting. 


Getting Started

The first step is to ask whether your partner would be into some kinky sexts. Before you start sexting, bring up exactly what you have in mind casually. Say something like, “I’d like to be in charge tonight. Are you game?” After you have consent, you’re ready to get started. 


The next step is setting some boundaries and picking out a safe word. Talking about your boundaries doesn’t have to be intimidating. Just ask if there’s anything that’s totally off-limits. Perhaps you don’t want to fantasize about anyone you both know, or maybe your partner doesn’t want to discuss anything that has to do with pain. And then, pick an easy to remember safeword, like “red.”


After that, you can explore whatever you’re both in the mood for.


Power Exchange

A power exchange is what comes to most people’s minds when they envision BDSM. There is typically a dominant who is in control of the situation and a submissive who is relinquishing control. There are a million variations on how this can look, but that’s the general setup. 

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Now, you won’t be able to tie the other person up while you sext, of course. But there are a lot of ways to dominate or submit to someone over sext. For instance, you could tell them (or have them tell you) exactly how to touch yourself. Then, the submissive partner could send photos as proof of obedience. 


Virtual Toys

If you’re in a long-distance relationship, virtual toys might be your new best friend. With teledildonics, you have the power to transmit touch over the Internet. You can mix and match toys depending on whether you’re in a same-sex or heterosexual relationship so that you both have the option to control the sensations that the other person is feeling. Toys add just a touch of kink, but teledildonics can make you feel as if you’re in the same room together. They make for a nice combination of kink and intimacy. 



Role-play is another way to get kinky over sext. When you sext someone, you’re basically just sharing a mutual fantasy over text. Role-play is a natural addition to this since you’re already in fantasy land. With role-play, you take the extra step of not just imagining you’re with your partner, but you also imagine that you’re not quite yourself. 


The easiest way to get into character is by accessing the fantasies that already run through your mind. If there’s a character in a movie or book you always felt a kinship with, that’s a great place to start. Plus, it will give you some ideas of how to express yourself when you think about what that character would do, say, or wear in bed. 


Have a Virtual Threesome

Having a threesome is a really common fantasy, so it’s a great way to get a little bit kinky while you’re sexting. Some studies suggest that one-fifth of men and a tenth of women have had a threesome , so it’s quite a widespread activity. It’s really simple to set up a threesome, too. You may not want to invite someone you know because things can get awkward after you hook up. A stranger is typically preferable so that you can go your separate ways afterward. 


To find a stranger, many people go to online dating sites to find what is often referred to as a “unicorn,” or the single person who joins couples for a threesome. However, dating sites are slow, and unicorns are hard to find; so hard to find, in fact, that's why they are named unicorns. 


If you decide to have a virtual threesome, it’s far more effective to use a trustworthy site where you can chat with a professional chat host. One of the best places you can reliably find a unicorn is Arousr. Arousr is a place where you can find someone to sext with and try out a kinky threesome without any jealousy involved.

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